What's the deal with squirting?

And why is it such a mystery?

I can answer the mystery part.

Or at least people smarter than me whom I’ve learned from can. Apparently, until pretty recently (like the last few decades) women’s sexual response, arousal, and experience were considered even by sex researchers a “light” version of men’s sexual experience. This is according to “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski.

Thank God someone figured out that women aren’t just men “light” sexually or otherwise. Still, it is a big reason why there is much less research on women’s sexual experiences and bodily functions—including squirting.

Squirting, for me, was just another thing that seemed to happen only in porn. It’s rarely mentioned in romance books either, and no one I knew personally had ever experienced it, which put it firmly in the that’s-not-real category.

Turns out, it’s just one more thing I was wrong about. And another thing that has been unlocked in my own body in my post-divorce sex life.

The first time it happened I… well, I didn’t know what happened. The second time it happened I was surprised but delighted. The first time I made myself do it was a cause for celebration.

But I had many questions.

What exactly is it?

“Isn’t it just pee?”

One of my best friends texted me when I excitedly shared the news with her. Based on the porn I had watched I previously thought the same thing, but based on my very scientific research aka a sniff test my new answer is no.

According to actual research, the fluid released during squirting, which can be up to 10 tablespoons, mostly originates in the bladder and is chemically a very watered-down version of urine. It can also contain liquid from the Skene's gland, which is often referred to as the female prostate.

People previously believed squirting and female ejaculation were the same thing, spoiler alert— they are not. Female ejaculation is a much smaller amount of fluid released and contains mostly a milky substance that comes almost entirely from the Skene’s gland.

Photo by Robert Anderson on Unsplash

What causes it?

Answers to that question are less readily available.

Researchers don’t know exactly what causes squirting (or female ejaculation), but there does tend to be an emphasis on g-spot stimulation wherever someone talks about learning to squirt.

I know people, however, who squirt from different types of stimulation.

It’s also unclear (based on current research) if all vagina owners can squirt or not. I personally believe, based on what I know about the female body and everything I’ve learned about pleasure, sex, safety, and feeling comfortable in your body, that anyone with a vagina could squirt under the right circumstances.

That’s something Nagoski talks a lot about in “Come As You Are”—context. Because I doubt the inner workings of my body have changed over the past few years and now I get to experience things I never did before. But what has changed is my mindset, my beliefs about myself and my body, my comfort level with my body and my sexuality, and the level of comfort I feel expressing that sexuality with certain individuals.

But back to squirting.

To squirt or not to squirt?

If you can squirt and love it, great! Keep doing your thing. If you don’t know how and want to learn that’s great too. But if you can’t, have tried, and still can’t or don’t want to, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and there is nothing wrong with you. Your sex life gets to look like whatever you want it to (assuming all parties are consenting adults of course).

There is a lot of pressure when it comes to sex already, and adding another thing to the list of “performative” sex acts women feel like they need to do isn’t good for anyone.

But if you really truly want to give it a go know this, it could be messy; like change-yours-sheets-before-you-can-sleep messy. Really fun, but there will be clean-up involved.

This post is part of Let’s Talk About Sex, a section of Sex, Love, & the Naked Truth. Thank you for being here and joining me on this journey.