Consent is interesting.
What it means is always changing through various life and relationship stages, people’s viewpoints on it are as different as the range of sexual preferences, and in my opinion, there aren’t nearly enough conversations about it.
Consent has been at the forefront of my mind because I have two young boys and it’s not lost on me that the conversations we have are shaping how they will view this topic for the rest of their lives. And because I’m back in the dating pool, I have to have these conversations for myself the first time in years.
As I had a refresher conversation with my boys the other day about private parts and the rules surrounding them, all I could think was, “This is going to be a much different conversation in a few years.”
Because right now the rules for my 5 and 8-year-old are pretty simple—don’t touch or ask to look at other people’s private parts, and don’t show or let anyone else touch yours.
But the older they get the more complicated the topic of consent becomes. There will come a day when it’ll be okay to ask to look, touch, or show. But with that comes conversations about yes and no, respect, and boundaries—both theirs and others.
Consent is tricky.
And I don’t mean it’s tricky how to figure out what is and what isn’t consent—no means no, always.
But consent, like so many other sexually related topics, has to be an ongoing conversation. In the heat of the moment maybe a condom wasn’t used, but up to that point had been, does that mean we’re always skipping condoms from now on?
If I say yes to something like anal on a certain occasion that certainly doesn’t mean it’s a blanket yes for every interaction moving forward. And I think that should be true for all aspects of sex.
There is nothing hotter than an enthusiastic yes. I mean do you really want to do something with someone that doesn’t want to do it too? I know my answer is a hard no, but I also know if there were never any issues with consent I wouldn’t be writing this post.
Consent is required every time, or at least it should be. Just like with my boys, it’s not a one-and-done conversation. It’s one we’re going to have over and over again. One that’s going to evolve and change and become more nuanced.
That’s how all conversations about consent should be. The ones we are having with our children. The collective cultural conversations about it, and especially the conversations about consent in our personal relationships. Because it’s everchanging and evolving, just like we are.