What’s the deal with period sex?
If there was one topic surrounding sex and bodies that I wish I could just rip the awkwardness that hangs around it off for everyone everywhere it would be this one. I know not all guys are weird about talking about periods, and I definitely know I still have lingering stress about the topic after being called “broken” by my ex every time I got my period for our entire relationship.
It’s not even having period sex that stresses me out—as long as everyone is on board no big deal. It’s the bringing it up that makes me incredibly nervous. If on Tuesday I set up a date with someone for Saturday, but unexpectedly get my period on Friday what’s the protocol? Do I cancel? Do I refuse any advances he may make? Do I be a grown-up and say something? Because anytime I have to bring it up with someone I’m casually engaged with sexually it feels like the most awkward conversation of my life.
In some ways, I feel like this is just a me issue and I’m the one being childish, but I also believe there has been ingrained in a lot of women a certain level of shame about their period. Hiding tampons or pads up our sleeves on the way to the bathroom, making up all sorts of dumb names like Aunt Flo, Shark Week, and others to avoid actually saying “I’m on my period”.
Does anyone else remember when Tampax made the tiny pocket tampons that sort of unfolded before you could insert them? And the accompanying coin purse (because really that’s what it was) that you could buy to put them in? Because god-forbid anyone knows you have or need a tampon!
Can men just be cool?
Most guys I’ve been forced to broach the conversation with have been incredibly mature and not phased at all—which honestly is how it should be. But there are also men out there that are not okay with talking about it! Re: my ex and the other men out there who refer to women as broken and are grossed out by anything related to period talk.
If you’re a woman, having sex (casually or not) the topic is going to come up at some point in your life. As a woman who is blessed with periods that have never been regular, and who also happens to be casually dating, it’s come up more often than I would like.
The first time was actually mid-sex (thank you for that body), and to say it was a revolutionary experience for me is not an understatement. My period decided to return after I thought it was gone. This actually isn’t uncommon, if you have sex shortly after your period ends because the contractions of the uterus from an orgasm or two or four can force any leftover blood out.
But the man I was with noted the blood, gave me the option to clean up which I gratefully took, asked if I wanted to put down and towel and we carried on like nothing ever happened. It was almost more than my fragile emotions surrounding sex and periods could handle. Up until that point, I had no idea it could be such a nonissue.
Why are we embarrassed?
Recently, my period decided it would be a fun idea to come a few days early right in the middle of some sexy time with a new guy. It wasn’t fun, thanks though period. When we were all done and after I apologized, although now I’m not entirely sure what I was apologizing for, he asked me, “What’s the blood from?” *Insert facepalm emoji here.*
Okay, maybe it’s a valid question, but at the moment it seemed dumb because I’m a woman and my vagina bleeds once a month, usually. And I was probably frustrated that said blood disrupted my first chance with a new person. And the whole drive home I kept wondering if he was going to text me the next morning, and I was embarrassed.
I know I’m not the only one either. I’ve had conversations with girlfriends about period mishaps during sex, and even when the guy is totally cool about it, it’s always a story of embarrassment.
I think that’s my whole point with this post. I shouldn’t feel embarrassed, no one should! It shouldn’t be a big deal. Periods are a completely normal, natural part of life that 50% of the population gets, but we’ve all been taught they are gross and weird and a giant inconvenience we all want to wish away. But without them, none of us would be here.
I kind of feel like this goes back to lack of education. The more we know the less there is to be ashamed and/or grossed out about. Maybe the more men understood about women’s bodies and periods the less weirdness there would be around the topic.
I’m totally fine with everyone’s personal preferences about having actual period sex, if it’s not for you that’s fine but I’d love to be able to talk about it more openly without feeling like I’m going to gross someone out.
Thank you for being a reader of Let’s Talk About Sex and coming on this vulnerable, important, sometimes rant-filled journey with me. If you know someone who would like to join us please share!