It takes two to make a baby.
Pregnancy prevention is not just a woman's job.
A woman can’t accidentally get pregnant by herself.
I know, this is groundbreaking information, but it’s true. There has never been an accidental or unplanned pregnancy that didn’t involve both a penis and vagina owner.
But the way men, and some women too, put the onus for pregnancy prevention all on the woman you would think that men play no part in making babies. This is one topic that will always get me riled up. You want to hear me speak passionately about something bring up abstinence-only sex education, how Obamacare forcing insurance providers to cover birth control is you paying for me to be a slut, birth control in general, or abortion—or any combination in between. Want to read about all of those in one blog? Check out this one I wrote last year when Roe v. Wade was overturned.
So today when a friend of mine told me about the speech her husband’s doctor gave her about the “seriousness” of vasectomies I knew I would be writing about this instead of sexual compatibility like I planned.
This douchecanoe of a doctor told my friend’s husband that vasectomies are serious and that there are many forms of birth control his wife could try if she didn’t like the one she was on. And this was after he asked him seriously inappropriate questions like “What if one of your kids died, would you want to replace them?”
I’m sorry, what? I would’ve walked out of the appointment right then and there because what kind of question is that?
Vasectomies are not “serious”.
Don’t come at me just yet! I know I’ve never had one. And I know, I don’t know what the pain of being kicked in the balls is like—which is how my ex described how he felt after getting his vasectomy. But I do know what it feels like to have an IUD placed with no pain medication. I do know what it feels like to have my membranes swept, and my cervix checked both during pregnancy and on a routine basis. I do know what it feels like to accidentally dislodge an IUD and the terrible cramps that come with it, then having my OB/GYN dig around in my cervix trying to find it—again with no pain management or numbing.
All of which I would describe as way more invasive and serious than a vasectomy. Yes, there are risks. There is still a chance of pregnancy but the procedure is more than 99% effective (better than every other form of birth control except IUDs which are equally effective). There is a small risk of infection, bruising, and swelling, but there are very few serious or life-threatening risks. The same cannot be said for female birth control.
Any birth control with estrogen in it (most birth control pills, the shot, the ring, and others) increases the risk of blood clots. It’s not an exaggeration when I say birth control pills almost killed me. I resumed taking them six weeks after my first son was born and developed blood clots in my lungs.
Why are there so many options for women?
Have you ever wondered why there are so many different birth control options for women and almost none, except condoms for men?
It’s because men are giant babies. Okay, maybe that’s not entirely true. But it is because every time a promising male birth control reaches the clinical trial phase of testing the kibash is put on it for “undesirable” side effects like weight gain or mood swings.
It’s because, in the United States at least, the prevailing opinion seems to be that birth control is a woman’s problem. That men’s comfort and pleasure should be put above the health and well-being of women.
But here’s the thing, if you are sexually active you should be thinking about how to prevent pregnancy and STIs. I don’t care if you are a man, a woman, or an alien. If you’re only thought about birth control is “the other person will handle it” you shouldn’t be having sex. Anyone having casual sex regardless of gender should be carrying condoms. Anyone who doesn’t want to use condoms should be having a conversation about it beforehand. If you can’t do one of those two things you’re not a responsible enough adult to be having sex.
Because women don’t get pregnant by themselves, not without tens of thousands of dollars anyway. Because it takes two people to make a baby, so it should take two people to think about, plan, and actively work to prevent making that baby if creating a human isn’t what either party wants. Because men and their comfort shouldn’t be put above women just because that’s how it was always done.
Thank you for being a reader of Let’s Talk About Sex and coming on this vulnerable, important, sometimes rant-filled journey with me. If you know someone who would like to join us please share!